I Suck

At homework. I suck at homework.

I guess I’ll just reveal myself, cause I totally didn’t do that yet.

First I’ll give myself an interview for you – I wish I could’ve done that on video, but whatevs.

1. What was the last picture I took on my phone?

Do I know any big gossip?

No.

Have I ever been pulled over by a cop?

DO I LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON – Oh wait you haven’t seen my face yet.

Do I know my heritage?

Oh yeah baby. British, French, and Danish royalty all the way. All the way back in the 1500’s. I’m the whitest American out there.

What have you always wanted? Have you obtained it?

I just wanted the love and approval of oth – nope. I just want to own a capybara one day.

What kind of sickness have you lied about to avoid going to work?

Dudes, I love my non-existent job. I just sit alone all day and go to school to one day get a job that is worthwhile.

What was the last lie you told?

That I’m working hard at school.

Have you ever danced in the rain?

Nooooo.

What is your blood type?

I learned it once in fifth grade, but now I can’t remember.

Have you ever been in a car accident?

Nothing life threatening. Hear that? I think that’s an accomplishment ringing in the distance.

What was the weirdest prank call you ever made?

Ah, I wish I still had the audio! In eighth grade me and my friends tried prank calling another friend with the same exact script as the billy goat prank call video (If you’ve ever seen it) Needless to say, we stunk and it was stupid.

Best compliment you have ever received?

Well, okay, taking out all the millions of ones I get from my parents and people who don’t actually know me personally, I have been told that I am “The cutest bean”.

Would you trust anyone with your life?

As long as you are not actively threatening my life and/or will not be in the future, I trust you with it.

What is your greatest strength or weakness?

Being stupid. Also, being stupid.

What is your perfect pizza?

Pizza.

What was your first thought as you woke up today?

Another ******’ school day. For hell’s sake.

Do you get along with your family? Why or why not?

We get along as well as a banana in it’s peel.

Ugly and live forever, or attractive and die in a year?

Attractive and die in a year, sure. I don’t want to live forever.

You discover that your one-year-old child is actually somebody else’s child, and it was just a switch-up in the hospital, would you trade it back or keep it?

If y’all wanna know me… I’m not getting my kid out of a hospital. If I ever have a kid it will not ever be a production of my loins. It will be adopted.

Would you be willing to lie in court for your friend so they wouldn’t go to jail for the rest of their life?

Pardon my Albanian, but HELL NAW

Would you be willing to eat a bowl of crickets for $45,000?

I did say that stupidity was my weakness AND my strength.

If you could have anybody locked in a room and tormented by you, who would you choose and how would you torment them?

Hey guys, I’m not that salty! Karma will do that for me. But on a side not… Hilary Clinton.

Do you feel that children should be sheltered from unhappiness?

Honestly, I want to say yes, cause even small things have actually caused me to seek trauma help from my therapist, but no, cause the world isn’t nice to nice people.

If you could personally witness anything, what would you witness?

God explaining to Jesus what an imperfect person is.

If you could wake up in the body of somebody else , who would it be and what would you do.

Jesus is my helmet.

Here is a picture of me from a couple months ago. But my hair grows too quickly and I go through this vicious cycle of growing out my hair and then shaving it down.

Masen Brandon

Also, I am a crazy clown.

Also, I’m a trans-dude. Deal with it.